I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
