the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
