The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
