so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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