you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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