Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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