Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
