weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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