you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
