I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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