The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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