I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
