For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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