I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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