im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
