i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
