So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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