I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
