Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
