dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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