The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
