Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
