I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
