Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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