Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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