at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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