I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
