what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
