I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
