just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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