I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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