I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the day after is always just damage control
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
