Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
