your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
