Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
