Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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