I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
