Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
