the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
