I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
