I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Swine flu is the new snow day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
