that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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