the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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