If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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