If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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