Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
