just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
