So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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