Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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