marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
