i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
