i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
