What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
