Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You brought string cheese to the strip club
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
