She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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