Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
