it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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