i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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