saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
