If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
