He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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