you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
