I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
