Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
