you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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