i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
