ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
