Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
