I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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