Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
