I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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