She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
