She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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