we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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