Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i'm inner monologue high
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ok first of all what the fuck
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
