I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
