like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
