woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
