There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
